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 On August 5, 1962, the actress Marilyn Monroe died. On August 5, 1976, I had dinner in Hollywood with Marilyn Monroes daughter. Well, at least she said she was. So did actor Peter Lawford, one of the late sex symbols closest friends. So did J. Josph, one of the countrys leading psychics.
There were skeptics in Hollywood to be sure, but they didnt phase pretty Janet Raymond, a 22-year-old part-time Santa Monica school teacher when I met her, who had aspirations at that time of becoming an actress.
Some 22 years before I first laid eyes on Marilyn Monroes daughter, the late blonde sex symbol checked herself into a Corpus Christi, Texas hospital for what was described as an emergency appendectomy. Prior to the operation, Marilyn went into seclusion, and was not seen for months, even by her very closest friends.
Marilyn stayed in the hospital for a week and was subsequently released. Hospital records indicated that her appendix was not removed. Her friends in Hollywood were somewhat bewildered. Her confinement remained a mystery.
In lieu of the publicity surrounding her strange death, and the shocking stories which eventually circulated, linking her romantically to the late President John F. Kennedy, her stint in the hospital was almost lost and forgotten somewhere in the archives of Monroemania.
But along came Janet Raymond and threw a whole new light on the mystery, with the shocking, profound announcement that Marilyn was her mother. Janet, an orphan, was born in the same hospital during the same time period that Marilyn Monroe was confined there as a patient. She was placed up for adoption to a Mrs. Helen Barry, immediately after her birth. The Barry family moved to Dallas and then, eventually, came back to California. Janet lived in Santa Monica, almost in the shadows of the 20th Century Fox lot where Marilyn Monroe became one of the film industrys top stars.
Janet seemed thoroughly convinced that she was indeed the love child of Marilyn Monroe and JFK, and told me she wanted to document everything in a book, to hush the rumors that had been swirling about her, and to later legitimize her search for her real identity.
She may or may not have been who she claimed she was, when I met her, but from all I could ascertain, she had certainly done a pretty good job of winning friends and influencing people in Hollyweird and in a town where all that glitters is not gold, thats not an easy thing to do.
We sat outdoors at one of Hollywoods most famous eating establishments, frequented in the good ol days by Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Clark Gable and Marilyn Monroe. It was an uncanny feeling, watching the looks on the faces of the tourists who were dining there and listening to the whispers from those sitting next to us at adjoining tables.
No one came over to our table and asked Janet for her autograph. Perhaps they were too embarrassed. Or, maybe too overwhelmed. After all, it was the anniversary of Marilyns death, and here was this dazzling blonde beauty in a lowcut gown who looked exactly like the late sex symbol, sitting there completely blowing everybodys mind.
There had been a simple advertisement, surrounded by a black box that day in the Hollywood Reporter, commemorating Marilyns death. TV cameramen made the annual trek to the cemetery to shoot footage for the six and ten oclock news. On this particular day, they shot footage of a closeup of a bouquet of red long-stemmed roses placed by Marilyns grave with a note from an admirer. One supposed the roses and the note were from Joe DiMaggio, but such was not the case. They were sent by Janet Raymond.
Janet didnt go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of Marilyn Monroe, as did so many other Hollywoodites. She was too busy doing what she believed Marilyn would have wanted her to do auditioning for a leading role in Damn Yankees.
She had shed some tears and was nostalgic, but had come to the restaurant to celebrate her good fortune with me about getting the part in the show not to mourn Marilyns death.
She had given me the estimated time of her arrival and I expected her to be at least an hour late, (because of the habit established by Marilyn). But, such was not the case. She called my hotel three times to assure me she would be there in a little while.
I remember sitting there, patiently, questioning if I was being conned by a Hollywood press agent and wondering of Janet Raymond was for real. It didnt take me very long to find out.
When she walked down the long wooden steps from Sunset Blvd. and entered the restaurant, you could have heard a pin drop. People stopped eating and stared at her in amazement.
Somewhat embarrassed, I suppose, but obviously enjoying all the attention, she laughed and glided sexily over to my table. She asked the waiter to bring us a carafe of white wine. We had a toast and talked about what had happened to her since she left Dallas and came to Hollywood.
One of the first things I asked her was when she started thinking seriously about the possibility that Marilyn Monroe could be her real mother. She told me that, when she was a teenager, people would look at her and suddenly stop talking. They would point to her in disbelief and ask the inevitable question, Do you know who you look like?
Janet admitted it used to bug her. After awhile, I became used to it, she confided. I was flattered. I mean, after all, I grew up fascinated with Marilyn Monroe like everyone else. Marilyn Monroe was a lovely, wonderful lady and someone in the profession I respected.
 I told Janet she not only looked like Marilyn but also talked like her. She said shed been told that before, but it was just her natural speech. Well, I get enthused and kinda giggly like Marilyn, when I talk, she commented. That has a lot to do with the mood Im in and the people Im with. Sometimes, I dont talk at all. I listen to what people have to say and watch their eyes to see if theyre telling the truth or not.
I asked Janet if people believed her when she told them that she was Marilyn Monroes daughter. It depends, she said, a little hesitant. They may be skeptical at first, but after they meet me, I generally win them over.
I wondered if people ever asked Janet for proof that she was Marilyns daughter, so I asked her about it. She told me that some people did, and some didnt. But, she added, her attorneys had the evidence she needed.
During our dinner conversation, I asked her about appearing on ABCs Time Remembered show with the late actor Peter Lawford, during which time they talked about her real identity. I was anxious to find out what happened.
It was really uncanny, she told me. Peter looked over at me and said, My God, Janet, you really are Marilyns daughter. And, then he added, almost as an embarrassed afterthought, But, my dear, I am not your father. (The late actor was, of course, a friend and confidant of both JFK and RFK and linked by members of the press to many of the final moments in Marilyns life before her tragic death).
Janet told me she wanted to believe that Joe DiMaggio was her father, because he had always been so nice to her. Maybe, she said, he was just looking after Marilyns daughter.
I had already decided that if the opportunity came about, I was going to ask her if JFK was her father. So, I confronted her, as tactfully as I knew how, and explained that one of Americas leading psychics had made that observation. She looked at me rather gleefully, and replied, Well, everybody knows that Marilyn and the president were friends.
I also wanted to quiz Janet about her adoption by Mrs. Helen Barry, almost immediately after her birth. I wondered if they had ever talked about her situation, and if so, what Mrs. Barrys reaction had been.
Janet told me the two had engaged in a number of long talks about the situation. At first, Janet admitted, she was rather apprehensive about approaching the subject with her, but once she got up enough nerve to say what was on her mind, Janet said Mrs. Barry smiled at her and said she understood perfectly how Janet must feel.
When Janet appeared on the Mike Douglas Show in Hollywood and told everybody about the search for her real identity, many viewers had mixed emotions about her story. Some saw it, I think, as a typical Hollywood promotions gimmick to help launch an acting career. I, bluntly, asked Janet if that was true or not.
 Oh, I was prepared for that, she said, way before I ever agreed to do the television show. Despite the fact that it sounds like a promo deal, I wasnt seeking any financial gain out of the TV appearance. And then she added, If it helps me in the business, then I will certainly be most grateful, but Im not going to capitalize on the situation. I just want to be a credit to the woman.
We talked a little bit about her being offered the lead role in the movie Goodbye, Norma Jean, and why she turned down the opportunity. I didnt much like the way they were portraying my mother, she said. So, then, I chided her a bit by asking why she went out on tour to promote the film. Simple, she replied, I wanted to convey to others what I felt was the real Marilyn, not the Marilyn they saw portrayed on the movie screen in that picture.
Janet said she was such a square, when she saw the movie, it kinda scared her. Maybe thats really the way it was, she said, but I dont wanna believe it. It was so terribly sad. Marilyn came across in the movie as a cold, angry person who was simply out to get revenge. I just cant accept that.
She said that Marilyn was soft and warm and was too much a lady to be the type person who was portrayed on the screen in the movie. Everybody loved Marilyn, she said, she was so giving of herself.
I wondered how people reacted to Janet when she was on tour promoting the movie, so I asked her about it. Oh, she said, nonchalantly, they were just wonderful. It was almost like they were suffering from some kind of guilt complex. They would smother me with affection.
Knowing that Janet, like Marilyn, was a sensitive person, I asked her if she had a tough time adjusting to all the attention and criticism that seemed to follow her around. Sometimes, she said, but I try not to let it bother me. She said she wasnt all that interested in plastic people with all their get rich schemes. She just wanted to be herself. And frankly, she admitted, that was damn difficult to do.
I dont have much privacy, anymore, she confided, and then added, but I must admit, it is kinda nice to walk down the street and be recognized.
I asked her why she turned down the TV film, The Sex Symbol, (which some critics claimed was based upon the life of Marilyn), but said she would be interested in follow ups to the movie Norma Jean, provided she had script approval.
Well, she told me, after the way they presented my mother in Norma Jean, I want to make sure she comes off better in the future. I think thats the least I can do for her.
When I told Janet there were plenty of people in the industry who had scoffed at her ambitions, even talked about her behind her back and called her a liar, an imposter and an unscrupulous opportunist, she laughed and replied, Well, let them talk. Im not really all that concerned with what they have to say. Im only concerned with the truth. And, doing my best to be deserving of the opportunities that come my way.
Then, she leaned over and whispered in my ear, The Good Lord has smiled on me, she said. I want to be worthy of the role I have been chosen to play.
When I asked her if she was worried about her future or the fact that maybe some terrible tragedy might happen to her if she became successful like Marilyn, she said she was aware of what could possibly happen, but was not overly uptight about it. God never told us that life was gonna be easy, she said.
When we finished our meal, Janet politely thanked me for the dinner, excused herself and walked out of the restaurant, almost as mysteriously and dramatically as she had walked in.
Over the years we stayed in touch. She asked me if I would be interested in writing a book about her life. We exchanged photos and Christmas cards by mail and talked from time to time on the phone. But, as the months went by, we sorta lost track of each other.
Once, I returned to Hollywood, at her request, to renew our most unusual relationship. She made the typical phone calls to my hotel, like before, and we designated a place to meet later that evening. But, it never happened.
For some unknown reason, Janet never showed.
I tried to locate her, but had no luck. I never saw her again after that first occasion in Hollywood. And, I never heard from her again after the second. The other day I typed in her name on the Google search engine page on my computer. Strangely enough, a whole host of women named Janet Raymond came up. None of them looked like Marilyn Monroe.
Oh, by the way, a few years ago, evidence was found to support Janets theory that she was, indeed, the love child of Marilyn Monroe and JFK. The information had been suppressed for a number of years, but eventually, the truth surfaced, just like she said it would. There are some skeptics who still didnt believe it.
Well, thats show biz, baby.
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These are all photos of Marilyn, except for one, Janet Raymond is in the middle. |
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WOW I DIDNT KNOW THAT
Celebrity Trivia
 Mike Myers doesnt wear a wedding band instead, he wears the gold Encyclopedia Britannica salesman-of-the-year ring awarded to his late dad Eric on his ring finger.
Laura San Giacomo has the phrase Its going to be all right painted in red on her bedroom wall.
Suzanne Somers was up for a guest role in the 70s series Starsky & Hutch but was turned down because she was too fat.
When George Clooney was ranked number one in People magazines list of most-eligible bachelors, George Prescott Bush, nephew of the prez, was ranked fourth, right behind Matt Damon.
Dom DeLuise is the author of several cookbooks as well as many childrens books.
Khristy Swanson (Buffy, the Vampire Witch) dropped out of school during the eighth grade to pursue acting. Her parents tutored her at home.
Meg Ryan became her high school homecoming queen by default the original queen was suspended.
Tipper Gore and Bill Clinton share the same birthday August 19.
Kelly Ripas nickname in high school was Barbie, her yearbook reveals.
Carla Gugino, star of the hit childrens movie Spy Kids, (best known for playing Michael J. Foxs girlfriend on the hit TV show, Spin City), spent part of her own childhood living in an Indian teepee with her hippie mother.
Before Eartha Kitt became a star, she worked as a seamstress in a garment factory.
The late Michael Kennedys wife, Vicki Gifford, is the daughter-in-law of Kathie Lee Gifford. (She divorced him).
Joanne Woodward named her daughter Lissy Newman after a character she played in Count Three and Pray her first movie in 1955.
Michelle Pfeiffers mouth is 1,618 times wider than her nose, which contributes to her statistically perfect looks.
Nicole Kidman and her sister Antonia invested in a manicure chain back home in Australia called Nail Bar Generation.
Julio Iglesias once had five gallons of water flown from Miami to Los Angeles so he could wash his hair.
Kevin Spacey requests a Ping-Pong table in his room whenever hes on location.
Former porn star Traci Lords still dreams about clutching a naked man the little nude guy named Oscar the Academy Award.
Rosie ODonnell wards off colds and the flu by drinking Noni Juice, made from a Tahitian plant of the same name.
Chers mom and dad married and divorced each other three times.
CELEBRITY MAILBAG
 Q. My wife and I are great fans of Renee Zellweger. Can you tell me the actresses she beat out for her role of Tom Cruises leading lady in Jerry Maguire? T.J., Memphis, Tennessee.
A. Renee had some pretty tough competition. The other actresses were Cameron Diaz, Patricia Arquette, Bridget Fonda and Winona Ryder.
Q. Does Whitney Houston come from a musical family like Michael Jackson? C.W., Houston, Tx.
A. Whitneys mom was in show business. She once performed as a backup singer for Elvis Presley.
Q. I understand ER star Alex Kingston has bared all in a movie. Can you tell me if thats true, and if so, what movie? H.B., Tupolo, Miss.
A. Alex did full frontal nudity in the British thriller, Croupier. The film got rave reviews but lack of publicity hurt it at the box office.
Q. My wifes boss told her that Roseanne stole a trophy at the Emmy Awards. Is that true? N.C.R., Danville, Kentucky.
A. Roseanne did steal a trophy, but it wasnt an Emmy. She swiped Lonestars Single of the Year award for the tune Amazed at a country music awards show, by hiding it under her jacket at a post show party. (She later confessed her theft and returned the trophy).
Q. What woman holds the record for the oldest Hollywood actress to have a baby? B.B.,Ogden, Utah.
A. Adrienne Barbeau holds the unofficial record for the oldest Hollywood actress to have a baby twin boys in 1997 at the age of 51.
 Q. My film teacher said that Jean Stapleton quit the TV series All in the Family because she wasnt making enough money. I later heard she never got paid by the producers. Whats the deal? H.E., Shreveport, La.
A. Stapleton actually quit the series because she was tired of doing network TV. She quickly revived her stage career after she left the series All in the Family. At the time, she opted to take a buyout, and receives no residuals from reruns.
Q. What does the name Ahmad Rashad mean and what did he do before he became an entertainment personality? B.F., Ardmore, Okla.
A. Ahmad Rashad means Admirable One Led to Truth. He played football for the Minnesota Vikings from 1976-1982.
Q. I understand James Coburns grandfather was also an actor. Is this true? R.W., Portland, Oregon.
A. James Coburns grandfather, legendary character actor Charles Coburn, won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in 1943 for The More the Merrier. (James won a Best Supporting Oscar for his 1998 performance in Affliction).
Q. How many songs did the late Steve Allen compose? T.P., Carlsbad, N.M.
A. The former Tonight Show host composed 8,500 songs. He also authored 54 books.
Q. Does Justin Timberlake really have insomnia? P.H. Kilgore, Texas.
A. Yes. Hes trying to cure it with hypnosis.
Q. What is Courtney Loves real name? - Y.T., Souix City, Iowa.
A. Courtneys birth name is Love Michelle Harrison.
Q. Was Jodie Foster the first choice to star in The Silence of the Lambs? C.J., Hartford, Conn.
A. No. Director Jonathan Demme wanted Michelle Pfeiffer, but said the actress found the material too scarey.
Q. Who played Angelina Jolies father in the movie Tomb Raider? B.C., Billings, Montana.
A. Jon Voight, her father in real life.
Q. Did newsman-investigative reporter Mike Wallace once try to kill himself? - W.P., Lufkin, Texas.
A. Wallace has admitted to the press that he thought about it when he suffered from clinical depression during Gen. William Westmorelands libel suit against him and CBS. (He said when he was depressed, he sensed that life wasnt worth living).
Q. I heard that Deborah Harry claimed she narrowly escaped death when serial killer Ted Bundy gave her a ride in Manhattan? Any truth to this or is it a rumor? T.D., Bridgeport, Conn.
A. The lead singer of the group Blondie may have made that claim, but the whereabouts of the infamous murderous maniacs life are well known, and he was nowhere near NY when she claimed this happened, sometime in the early 1970s.
Q. Did Mama Cass Elliott of the Mamas and the Papas really die by choking on a ham sandwich, as reported in the press? K.W., San Diego, Calif.
A. Coroners who examined Mama Cass in London, where she died in 1974, concluded the cause of her death was heart failure, brought on by lifelong obesity. She was 32.
Q. Why does Liz Hurley always buy two first class airline tickets when she flies? C.F., Oakdale, Calif.
A.Liz is paranoid about having to sit next to a stranger.
 Q. I heard on a TV show the other night that Robert Redford said he never wanted to be in movies. Is that right or wrong? N.H., Charlottesville, Va.
A. Right. The actor-director-producer dreamed of becoming a painter and studied art before he broke into show business.
Q. Was Julio Iglesias once a hockey player? P.G., Pecos, Texas
A. In his younger days, Julio was a star goalkeeper for one of the top pro soccer teams in the world, Real Madrid.
RAPS AND RAVES
Funnyman Jerry Seinfeld is dead serious about helping kids get an education. To prove it, he footed the bill for 14 students at New Yorks LaGuardia High School to go to college.
Seinfeld was principal for a day at LaGuardia awhile back, and was so impressed with the kids he met, he decided to help them with their college tuition. Its not every day that one of the worlds most talented and popular stars takes time off to recognize the needs of young people, whose parents are struggling to make ends meet and cant afford to send them to college.
Its one thing for a celebrity to make statements to the press about what needs to be done to enhance our educational system; its another thing to back up the hype by writing a check to show you mean business. Give Jerry an A-plus for his efforts.
CELEBRITY MINI-INTERVIEW
Sue Ane Langdon
 Q. How do you feel about nudity on stage, in films and television?
A. Frankly, I dont understand what all this nudity hassle is all about. I mean, we were all born naked, anyway.
Q. Do you like to look sexy in front of an audience or the camera?
A. Absolutely. What woman doesnt? Its just that I cant see going to such ridiculous extremes to prove a point. I think theres a place for nudity in the theater if its used in good taste. I also think theres a place for entertainment. Know what I mean?
Q. Does it get to be a grind going on the road performing live theater?
A. Not really. Actually, I get a kick out of it. I dont like to perform under undue duress, but if you know how to play off the peoples moods and actions, you not only can help them enjoy themselves, you get a sense of accomplishment. Its a challenge. In an oddball sort of way, its a lot of fun.
Q. How do Broadway audiences differ from theatergoers in other parts of the country?
A. Broadway audiences are sometimes cool and reserved. Or maybe uptight and nervous. Actors should be able to communicate fun, happiness and excitement. Thats our job. Ive worked with obnoxious people in the first act and won them over halfway through the second. They turn out to be your greatest fans.
DON ALYS HOLLYWOOD
Ive been around so long, I know everybody whos anybody in Hollywood. Hell, I even knew Shirley MacLaine before she was reincarnated.
HEARD AND OVERHEARD
According to my sources, employees at the California Surplus Mart in Hollywood say that Madonna USED to come into to their establishment regularly to buy handcuffs, but they, supposedly, havent seen her in the place since she married Guy Ritchie.
 Despite the fact that Angelina Jolie tells everybody how hot her actor-hubby, Billy Bob Thornton, is, Ive learned she also confesses that she fell for a woman before she met him. Jolie revealed that she had the lesbian fling at the age of 20, and admitted that it caught her completely by surprise. I dont flirt around with girls, she commented.
Carmen Electra has admitted that she couldnt face up to her mothers death a few years ago, so she partied with and eventually married basketballs bad boy, Dennis Rodman to keep from having to deal with the pain.
A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, Dr. Nicholas Chugay, sez he can create a Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson or Cher look-alike. One patient of his is using his new look to make a living as an Elvis Presley impersonator.
The Barbie Doll now has a rival on the market named Emme, a full-figured beauty based on 5-foot-11, 190-pound supermodel Melissa Miller, known professionally as Emme. The living doll tips the scales at about 200 pounds, compared to Barbies near-anorexic 90. While a real-life Barbie would wear a size 2 dress, Emme manages to squeeze into a size 14.
Word in tinseltown is that Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss offered to put herself up for bid at an L.A.-area Catholic high school fund-raiser. The winner was supposed to get a limo ride and dinner for 10 with Fleiss and her beau, Tom Sizemore, along with a gift basket containing her signature underwear and a copy of A Hooker Book. No dice. The principal nixed the idea after some of the kids parents and the L.A. Archdiocese objected.
Reportedly, Warren Beatty may have made it in the sack with Britians Princess Margaret, who died at the age of 71. According to Hollywood insiders, the lusty princess, sister of Queen Elizabeth, met the actor on the rebound in the late 60s, following a fling with Pink Panther star Peter Sellers. When their romance faded, Sellers introduced her to Beatty. The Brits believe the princess and Beatty became lovers and he remained her confidant for several years.
 The latest hot rumor in Hollywood has folks asking George Clooney Wheres Waldo? then watching the actor point discretely at his groin area. Then asking Georges gal pal Julia Roberts the same question. The movie icons sexually charged interview recently in Esquire magazine had tongues wagging all over Hollywood about the true nature of their friendship, particularly, when one of the topics concerned Clooneys manhood. About mid-way through the Esquire spread, Roberts asked Clooney: By the way, hows Waldo? Clooney said: Hes fine. He sure misses you. Later on they talked about organ donation programs. Julia said: Dont give away Waldo. And Clooney replied: Now, thats a major organ.
Word on the street is that Bo Derek is broke. Actually, she told reporters, Im worse than broke. I sent in my tax return, but I cant pay my taxes. The actress-sex symbol has struggled ever since her beloved husband and mentor, John Derek, died in 1998. Talent was never required before, she commented, whats an aging sex symbol to do?
Action star Bruce Willis sez there is life after death because he has spoken to his dead brother, Robert, who passed away at the age of 42 last year from pancreatic cancer. According to Britains Daily Sport, Bruces ex-wife, Demi Moore, suggested he see a clairvoyant who would be able to contact Robert from beyond the grave. Although he was skeptical, the actor agreed. Willis said he was astounded when he spoke to his brother through the psychic and came away amazed and comforted. Willis said he doesnt know how it works, but he believes it.
 Sexy songbird Britney Spears despite her claims to the contrary is supposedly shacking up with her NSync boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. According to my contacts, she is in a trial marriage of sorts with Justin at their new 3-million L.A. mansion. Britneys mother, a devout Baptist, is reportedly crushed. What theyre doing is a sin, she said and added that she wasnt angry with Justin, because she suspects that living together was Britneys idea.
Keanu Reeves has shocked a lot of his fans with the startling observation that slapping women around can arose them sexually. Reeves was quoted as saying he thought that what goes on with spousal abuse lends itself to sexual pleasure. Womens rights activists are up in arms. They say his comments put gals across the country at risk.
Brad Pitt has told Jennifer Aniston to stop talking about their bedroom secrets with gay rocker Melissa Etheridge. Brad introduced the two women and they since have become very intimate.
Hillary Clinton is reportedly furious over hubby Bills plans to become a Hollywood leading man. Sources close to the former first lady say her greatest fear is that she and Bill will both end of as a laughing stock, which could cause her problems with her future political career. Hollywood sources say the former president has already hired an agent who is negotiating to land him his first screen role. According to nationally syndicated columnist Liz Smith, Clinton is looking over scripts and is anxious to turn his dream into a reality.
Roseanne is up to her old tricks again. The bizarre actress is wondering aloud whether shes a lesbian or not. Reportedly, the kooky comedienne got so turned on after looking at some of the plus-size models backstage at a Lane Bryant fashion show, she exclaimed, I think Im a lesbian. The actress, who made TV history with the first regular lesbian on a sitcom, (the character Nancy, portrayed by Sandra Bernhard), also caused network censors hassles over her onscreen smooch with actress Marial Hemingway. Roseanne, who has been married three times and is in the process of dumping her current husband, was reportedly turned on at the Lane Bryant fashion show by buxom blond Anna Nicole Smith and Carre Otis, Mickey Rourkes ex.
When wacky Michael Jackson stayed at the swanky Dorchester Hotel, he demanded that every one of his door knobs, TV and stereo remote controls, sink and bathtub handles be covered with plastic wrap. And, when he visited the Royal Albert Hall, aides wrapped his opera glasses in all that sticky stuff.
CELEBRITY ZINGERS
Judith Crist on Ann-Margret: Almost anti-sexual cardboard-and-suet-meringue posturing
Christopher Plummer on Julie Andrews: Working with her was like being hit over the head with a Valentines card.
Joan Rivers on Susan Anton: She has hickies on her knees.
Fred Allen on Tallulah Bankhead: A parrot around Tallulah must feel as frustrated as a kleptomaniac in a piano store.
Johnny Carson on Rona Barrett: She doesnt need a steak knife. Rona cuts her food with her tongue.
Rex Reed on Warren Beatty: Interviewing Warren Beatty is like asking a hemophiliac for a pint of blood.
Dan Aykroyd on John Belushi: A good man, but a bad boy.
Mort Sahl on Marlon Brando: The indians never needed a lawyer until they got a benefactor like Marlon Brando.
John Barrymore on Winston Churchill: Would rather make love to a word than to a woman.
Groucho Marx on Doris Day: Ive been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
CATCH A RISING STAR
ZYDECO BLANCO
(L-R) Brad Houser, Leif Oines, Harvey Trahan, Steve Lamphier, Larry Woods, Brandon Aly
During the holidays, I witnessed an unbelievable sight. With temperatures down near freezing, people clustered together on the sidewalks in Blanco, Texas and danced gleefully to the sounds of the Zydeco Blanco band, completely oblivious to the cold weather or the hazards to their health. There were young and old alike, even women holding young babies wrapped in blankets, as they stomped their feet gleefully to the hypnotic sounds of the zydeco music.
Zydeco Blanco was originally formed in 1997 when accordian player Leif Oines met rubboard player Harvey Trahan. Both musicians were newly located to the Blanco River Valley near Blanco. Oines had moved to the area from the Dallas-Ft. Worth metroplex, where he had successfully headed up the energetic band Zydeco Faux Pas. Trahan, a French Cajun originally from Lafayette, La., came to the valley via Houston, where he played harmonica in several blues bands.
As the new partners began playing shows in their Hill Country community, they met other area musicians and incorporated them into the band First, a rhythm section was added Steve Lamphier on bass and Brandon Aly (of the New Bohemians) on drums. Both Steve and Brandon had been playing together in another local band, Jamadillo. They suggested that their fellow Jamadillo bandmate, Larry Woods, be added on guitar. The addition of saxophone player Brad Houser (also of the new Bohemians and Critters Buggin) completed the bands lineup.
Zydeco Blancos music is happy and hypnotic. Their song list consists of original tunes, such as Even Cowboys Like Zydeco and Emu Escape, that blend the influences of Louisiana music with the feel of life in the Texas Hill Country, as well as a strong mixture of covers from favorite zydeco artists such as Boozoo Chavis and John and Geno Delafose.
While most of their concerts and club gigs have been primarily confined to the Hill Country area, they plan to branch out more across Texas and perhaps nationally in 2002. They also have a new CD in the works that will be released to coincide with their expanded performance dates. Keep your eye on this group from Blanco,Texas. My guess is if cowboys like zydeco, the rest of the world cant be that far behind.
CELEBRITY PHONE VOICES
This guy called me the other day and was surprised that John Wayne answered my phone and his funny sidekick Walter Brennan pitched in his two cents worth. Actually, it wasnt the Duke and Cookie at all, but the uncanny voice of celebrity impersonator Larry Turner, the Rich Little of the Southwest, who sometimes even sounds like Larry Turner when he talks.
Larry has been wowing folks for a number of his years with his unique celebrity voice impersonations. Besides, John Wayne, my favorites include Humphrey Bogart and Rodney Dangerfield. He also does a great Reeves the Butler, a number of former presidents, and cartoon characters as well.
You can check out Larrys voice imitations by clicking on the Celebrity Phone Tapes button on my home page. Not only can you look over the selection of Famous Ringers available, you can also hear sample tapes by clicking on the radio buttons under stars and cartoon characters photos. Theres a wide variety of celebrity voices to choose from, and the prices are reasonable.
Purchase a Larry Turner Famous Ringers answering machine tape today and let a celebrity answer your phone. Customized tapes are available. As Bogie might say, Heres listening to you, kid.
SHOW BIZ PROMO PACKAGE
So many folks who have visited the Don Aly Celebrity Scene website have asked us to identify the stars featured in the Gone With The Stars Art.com poster featured on Don Aly's home page, we decided to sponsor a contest to name all the stars. It's simple to participate. Simply sign up to receive the Don Aly Celebrity Scene weekly email (free) and send your star identification selections to DonnyFun@DonAly.com. The first person to correctly select all of the stars showcased in the poster on the home page (also pictured below) will receive a free copy of this Celebrity Collector's Gone With The Stars picture.
CELEBRITY DIETS
 Titanic star Kate Winslet admits she looked titanic herself after delivering her daughter Mia, and ballooning to a whopping 182 pounds. The actress, nicknamed Blubber in high school, has dieted nearly all her life. But, after her daughters birth, she felt like she had lost the battle of the bulge.
Using an obscure Oriental package known as facial anaylsis to burn off the pounds, she slimmed down to 133 pounds.. The expert in facial analysis, according to Kate, read the lines, shadows and even the pores in her face to help determine which foods she should avoid. (A heavy lined forehead, for instance, could mean that a person was eating foods too rich or oily).
During her period of detoxification, her specialist nixed fatty foods and alcohol, but allowed her to eat butter and potatoes. She lost almost 15 pounds a month on the program.
CELEBRITY FOOTNOTE
Leave it to Dolly Parton to have the final word:
Ive never met a man I didnt like.
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