Billy Crystal on Sandra Bullock – “Sandra Bullock is the only person at the Academy Awards who’s actually ridden a Los Angeles city bus.”

Robyn Williams on Arnold Schwarzenegger – “Arnold Schwarzenegger’s acted in plenty of movies but spoken less dialogue than any actor, except maybe Lassie.”

Dee Dee Myers on Ross Perot – “You can’t compete with a pet rock.”

David Letterman on Warren Beatty – “The only reason he had a child is so that he can meet baby sitters.”

Graham Chapman on John Travolta – “How difficult can it be to fly an airplane? I mean, John Travolta learned how.”

Joan Rivers on Bo Derek – “She turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.”

Henny Youngman on Zsa Zsa Gabor – “She’s been married so many times, she has rice marks on her face.”

Frank Sinatra on Rona Barrett – “Congress should give a medal to her husband for waking up every morning and looking at her.”

Lauren Bacall on Frank Sinatra – “He has about as much humor as this floor.”

Oliver Stone on Madonna – “She’s like toilet paper. She’s on every magazine cover in the world.”